Porn – 3 Reasons To Stop Now

I originally posted this on my old blog in February of ’08 but wanted to repost it here.  It’s as relevant as the first time I blogged it.

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Joe Dallas is an incredibly gracious and smart man. I found the following article very informative and wanted to share it with you. It is published with permission.

Porn – 3 Reasons to Stop Now – Joe Dallas

This is the first of a ten part series by Joe Dallas on recovery from pornography

If you’re a Christian man using pornography, you are, unfortunately, far from alone. Over 18 % of the men polled in a Zogby/Focus on the Family survey, for example, identified themselves as Christians who watch porn. Studies quoted in Newsweek magazine suggested that as many as 30% of the ministers interviewed had indulged, and during an informal polling at the 1996 Promise Keepers Men’s Conference, one out of three men admitted they struggled with pornography.

So why should they – or you – stop now? Let me offer three reasons.

1. Your most important relationships are suffering.

Close friendships and family relations suffer when a man leads a double life. Something dark and more than a little frightening happens to a guy like that. He’s ashamed, but not ready to cop to the cause of his shame. So it poisons him, leaving him defensive, isolated, and spiritually dulled.

And nobody notices this more quickly than the people who love him the most. His wife notices he’s distant; withdrawn. His kids see less of him, and find him distracted and irritable when they are with him. And God? He’s grieved over a son who keeps defiling himself, leaving his Father’s spirit quenched and His heart broken.
Yet all the while he may still function as a husband, parent, friend, church member and brother. He may, in fact, have many good qualities and gifts; he’s often (in my experience) likeable and productive, even as his primary relationships suffer.

He’s not a bad man. He’s just not nearly the man he could be.

2. You’re being gratified, perhaps, but not really satisfied.

Gratification is immediate and short lived; satisfaction, even when it requires gratification delay, is a long term payoff.

Compare this to the difference between hunger and appetite and I think you’ll see what I mean. When your body requires food, it creates hunger pangs to satisfy that need. The hunger ‘message’ is honest; it tells you what your body really needs, and when you respond by eating, you satisfy it’s requirements.

But along with your natural hunger, you may have also developed a large appetite, which is a desire for certain types and portions of food. If you overeat, that’s usually why your appetite claimed you needed more food (and probably food of a different sort) than your body required.

Appetite is dishonest in two ways. First, it disguises itself as hunger by saying “I need”, when a more honest statement would be “I want.” Second, it often demands the sort of food you really don’t need. (Haven’t you noticed that when your appetite is up, it usually doesn’t call for broccoli?) In other words, it craves gratification” the quick intensity of rich foods in large quantities rather than the foods your body needs to truly satisfy it.

Likewise, if you’ve been born again, you’ve received a new nature which can only be satisfied, in the truest sense, when you fuel it properly. Paul illustrated this to the Romans when he asked, rhetorically:

“How shall we, then, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” -Romans 6: 2

Notice he’s not just saying sin is wrong. He’s also pointing out its futility, by showing the general futility of doing anything that violates your nature, even though it’s pleasurable. Because if it’s against your true nature, it can gratify, but never satisfy.

For that reason, you’ll go on reaping any number of uncomfortable feelings when you sexually sin. Count on anxiety, depression, shame, irritability or despair, and count on them growing with time.

3. You’re not fulfilling a primary function.

Have you thought lately about a primary function Jesus said you have; one you cannot, to my thinking, fulfill as long as you’re involved in ongoing sexual sin?

“You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost his savor, with what shall it be salted? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under the foot of men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set upon a hill cannot be hid.” -(Matthew 5: 13-14)

He didn’t invite you to be salt and light, nor did He ask you to consider it. He said that’s what you are. That’s your function, and moral compromise weakens your ability to fulfill it, just as surely as drunkenness would weaken an athlete’s ability to run a race. And when your ability to fulfill your role is weakened, we all suffer.

Suppose, for example, a Christian employee works in an office cubicle near an attractive woman. She’s heard the Gospel before, considered it, and maybe even attended a few church services. But she’s undecided, and, thereby, unsaved.

The man has an opportunity, through conversation and example, to either strengthen or weaken her regard for Christianity. If he flirts with her, or if she overhears him crack a dirty joke, or if he views porn on the job and she’s made aware of it, his credibility (and worse, the Gospel’s credibility) is snuffed out, and the ripple effect kicks in. The Church suffers by losing yet another notch of credibility; the woman suffers as well (perhaps eternally, a terrible thing to consider) by continuing to live apart from Christ.

So it’ not just about you. It never was. Someone else, directly or indirectly, is also affected by your compromise. People who already hold Christianity in contempt get fresh ammunition every time a Christian’s secret sin is brought to light, the undecided are given yet another reason not to decide, and fellow believers are demoralized in their own efforts to be an effective influence. And even if your sin has not (yet) been brought to light, the thing itself can’t help but weaken your zeal by polluting your mind and hardening your heart. So you can be sure of this much:

1. Porn gratifies, but your own history by now should prove it doesn’t really satisfy.

2. It’s hurting someone. It’s hurting you, of course, and it’s offending God, which is no small offense. But it’s also hurting someone close to you, a wife, a friend, a child, who deserves better.

3. Meanwhile, it’s keeping you from fulfilling your potential, calling, and role. And we’re all suffering as a result. My prayer today is that, if porn is a habit you’ve developed, you’re ready now to repent, be repaired and rebuilt. Because what you have to gain and lose are both indescribable, and immeasurable.

MORE:

Resources on overcoming porn

Joe can be found on the web at genesiscounseling.org