I pray that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving full of good rest, fellowship with family and a good reason to create a longer gratitude list.

I know some people might be dealing with the Holiday hangover in a couple of ways. And I am not just talking about those who drink alcohol. Some of us (me) will go to our gym today and add a bit more resistance to the elliptical machine to burn off that chocolate chip pecan pie we (I) had over Thanksgiving.

Sidenote: Can I just say, that’s the best pie ever.  My one word food review is, “YU-uh-UH-uMMY!”

Some of us will also sit down at our desk to a barrage of emails and phone calls to return and wish that the Christmas break would hurry up and get here.

Other’s, however, might be dealing with depression that their Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Year Holidays did not or will not go as well as the Hallmark commercials look.  Some will smile and appreciate their friends joking about their crazy Aunt falling asleep in the recliner while burying the remote control so everyone was forced to watch the Lifetime Movie Network for 45 minutes. Yet behind the smile offered at their friend’s funny Aunt stories, inside they are wishing they had such problems because their own family situations are much more complicated and sometimes quite painful.

For some folks, the holidays are anything but cheerful for a variety of different reasons and it can threaten to not be “the most wonderful time of the year.” It can be a very dark season of relational hurt that can threaten to rob us of joy.

And to those people I send a great big empathetic hug. And after the hug I am going to challenge you to take some action steps to invite a healthy holiday attitude into your life.

Instead of allowing negative feelings build for what your family may or may not be, seek to create what you would like for your holiday festivities.  Create your own “customs” that will lead to fulfillment and enjoyable memories, that will fill in the Holiday gaps you are or might be facing.

Have realistic goals and don’t be discouraged if others don’t live up to your desires or expectations.  Set for yourself attainable goals and activities.  And then do them.

Some people may have to draw boundaries with family but please resist the temptation to reject your family outright.  For example, my own family doesn’t regularly celebrate the holidays and haven’t since I was a child.  The only times we have had any kind of celebration was when I threw an immature wounded fit about it and well … while we went through the motions, it wasn’t that much fun and caused more stress than smiles.  However, over the recent past I have said that if they weren’t planning on doing anything then I was going to do something at my house or with friends.

And each year my first priority is to give them an opportunity to come to my house to celebrate the season. Regardless, I always have a plan and have a good time.  Finally, this year, my family accepted to come over on Christmas day.

Now, I (a confirmed raised by a microwave bachelor) just have to figure out how to cook a Christmas meal that doesn’t involved sole reliance on the microwave and doesn’t kill them with food poisoning. My mom even offered to make deviled eggs.  We are going to come up with a new name for them though (just kidding.)

But regardless of whether my family decides to join me in celebrating the holidays or not, they know I love them and that I am there for them.  One of the “customs” I have created for myself is to make a gratitude list and …  whether I am in a great mood or having one of my worst moments … the Lord always brings the needed (if needed) attitude adjustment through writing out a gratitude list.

Also, there have been years where I was alone.  I know a lot of “Holiday Orphans” out there and what I have learned is that this is a great opportunity, for single people especially, to go and do some volunteer work.  By saying “Thanks” or “Happy Birthday Jesus” by serving at a local food pantry or running in a Holiday 5K for a worthy cause, Christmas Caroling with a church choir or helping the poor.

And even after saying all of that, for some, the depression or anxiety may be too much. Escaping the pain of past woundings or feeling trapped  in cyclical dysfunction may be beyond our capacity to “deal” with.  The holidays can tend to force these hurtful parts of our lives into the spotlight.  Because, in essence, it isn’t really about the Holidays … it’s about unresolved pain.  I was in that position a few times and I highly encourage good Christian counseling and support.  If you need help, you have full permission to cry and grieve about it but at some point you need to reach out for help.  If you take that brave step you will really benefit as a result.

And, as a natural result, those around you will benefit as well.

The point is, we are going to celebrate Thanksgiving because we are thankful to God for so many people, events, provision, joy and other things.  We are going to celebrate Christmas because it commemorates Jesus’ birth and fosters goodwill among mankind.  We don’t have to allow pain to rob us of a great Christmas season. We can honor our families by having mature boundaries and accepting that there aren’t any “perfect” families out there … we are not alone. We can choose to welcome Joy into our lives through assertive planning, sacrificial service, thoughtful care and a perspective on Christ first.

This post isn’t comprehensive but I do hope it is a solid launching point for thought, prayer and possible discussion on how we can plan for a blessed and memorable Holiday season.

MORE:

How Do Parent’s of Gay-Identified Children Handle The Holidays?

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Tags: Christian, Church, Counsel, Counseling, EGA, Encourage, Family, Friends, Giving, God, Holidays, Honor, Jesus, Joy, Life, Love, Men, Pain, Prayer, Support, Thanksgiving, Writing

This entry was posted on November 30, 2009 at 4:13 pm and is filed under Encourage, Featured, Support. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.