From Darkness to Light

In every issue of the Exodus Newsletter we have a column titled “Real Stories.”  This Month we hear some honest and practical insight from a wife and mother, Gwen Elliott, who found out about her husbands adultery and double life.  Here is her story:

Two years into our marriage, as I prepared to tell my husband the good news that we were pregnant with our first child; I was met with the news of my husband’s ongoing sex addiction. His double life had finally caught up with him, leaving me completely shocked and devastated. What I knew of my husband’s sexual history was that he had dealt with an addiction to pornography, but he had assured me that he had been healed and was walking in freedom. It was a lie. As if that wasn’t devastating enough, he told me that his issue was with same-sex attraction. Not only did my husband’s addiction to homosexual pornography continue into our marriage, it eventually led him to have multiple sexual encounters with men at our local gym.

Almost immediately upon hearing this news, I began to hear the Lord speaking to my heart, “Do you trust me?” He assured me that He knew this was going to happen long before I did. He reminded me that He is a covenant-keeping God and He gave me the option to choose to honor the covenant I made to my husband, even in the midst of my husband breaking his covenant to me.

From that beginning, I chose covenant and trusted the Lord and His leading to heal a broken man and a severely fractured marriage. Six years later, I stand on the other side with a restored marriage and an experience of walking through a process of restoration that has helped shape and mold the woman I am today.

Here are some things that the Lord showed me as I walked this journey.

1. The Marriage was on Hold:

My husband’s sin put a terrible breach between us. But as a follower of Christ, my husband had also allowed a terrible breach between God and him. Our marriage had to become secondary to his restoration with God and his struggle to find freedom.

2. A New Normal:

At times I found myself wanting everything to go back to normal. But in reality, the ‘normal’ we knew involved my husband having a secret double life. We needed a new normal that involved strong accountability, close relational connection with trusted leaders and friends and a new sense of the awareness of sin’s encroaching nature and a dedication to keeping it out of our home and our lives.

3. Basis for Trust:

My trust in my husband had been completely broken. YOU CANNOT build on something that’s broken, including trust. My husband was no longer worthy of my trust but God WAS. Trust must be built back again and until it is, your trust remains in the Lord. As I began to see the more of the Lord in my husband, I could begin to trust again.

4. Growth is good:

I remember getting really nervous and afraid at each new step towards restoration with my husband. How would I know that he’s really changed and walking in freedom? My dear wise counselor would say, “Your husband is in the best place he’s ever been in his entire life! Sure, you may have thought he was in a great place before, but now, for the first time, his 2 worlds (or lives) have collided. The door has been knocked down and a big spotlight is shining on his secret life! Where light is, darkness cannot hide, so as long as he continues to walk in the light, you know he is in the best place he can be.” Don’t be afraid of your husband’s growth! Wade in to the waters of growth WITH him! It is the only way to get to the other side together!

This is a good example of courage and faith.  We at Exodus will pray for and continue to develop resources for couples dealing with these type of issues.  I want to thank Gwen for stepping forward to share her story. God bless you!

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Renee Dallas’ has a blog and online ministry for wives: Click here to visit WifeBoat