I think I probably disagree with the post today, Randy. I think the young boy mentioned is probably well on his way to a life of either gender-confusion or some sort of same-sex attraction issue. Given his actions and desires, it seems obvious he is identifying more with the female gender than the male gender….and that’s going to result in problems. I don’t think it does anyone any good to pretend that wearing dresses, holding a fascination with women’s shoes, wanting to be “The Little Mermaid,” loving silk nightgowns, wishing for long feminine hair, and a “myriad” of other examples is a typical part of a heterosexually developing boy’s rite of passage.

Probably the definition of a “sensitive soul” needs to be clarified more fully. Certainly heterosexually developing boys can have “sensitive souls,” but this seems to me to be beyond that. The dad needs to be counseled that he does need to find a way to connect with his son, but that his expectations of what kind of developing young man will result may have to be adjusted. You know as well as I do that the best-intentioned families (Christian and non-Christian) can still produce boys and girls who develop same-sex attractions.

Terri, of course there should always be hope. I think, though, that to say the dad’s concerns are “unfounded” is a huge, huge mistake. The parents are right to be concerned. To make light of those concerns is, frankly, appalling to me. I’m not a counselor, but if I were, I’d certainly take those concerns seriously, especially given what the parents report. But here I must add that at all times the child needs to affirmed for who he is now, not who the parents hope he may become.

I think you’re right that there’s still time to channel the boy’s gifts. I think it will take some prayerful planning on the part of the parents on exactly how they can do that. I would think the two most important things to do are:

1. Make sure the boy is building a strong spiritual foundation. With a strong faith, he can more appropriately channel whatever gifts, desires, and passions are in his life. Christ can do a mighty work in his life over the course of his growing up years.

2. The dad needs to make sure there’s a secure and loving bond between him and his son. Not only must he accept his son, so too must the son accept the father.

I think building those two relationships–one with the boy’s heavenly Father and the other with the boy’s earthly father will go a long way to enabling the boy and his parents to handle whatever happens as he continues to grow into manhood.

Catherine H!? You got it! Bingo! Shawn Lord? You have some good points. I was hoping for this subject to pop up on Exodus because this is one of the main factors I learned about in counseling through an awesome Christian Counselor. My counselor said, there is no proof that playing with dolls etc influences a child’s sexuality. My counselor has counseled hundreds of men who became Christians who once were homosexuals, and who were going through a process of full to an extensive recovery. Some took them years, some very quickly, and others struggle with it for the rest of their lives but not intensely. My counselor explained to me what lead, and formulated me into becoming a homosexual male. When I was a child, I wasn’t interested in the stereotypical toys that are designed for boys because I thought they were boring and I just had no interest in them. I loved to draw, read, etc. Now, here is the thing, when I was around 5-6 years old I hated to get dirty. My parents said, go outside and get dirty. They went on and on making a big deal about this. Also, I used to play with the minister’s daughter, and we would play with her dolls. He called my mother out of concern that I was playing with dolls, and told her as a mister to watch her son because he thought this was a problem. Again, my age at the time was 5-6 years old. Also, when I was a kid, I was so fascinated by dollhouses. I loved anything miniature. However, my father and older brother made some negative comments that reinforced this dysfunctional cycle once again. My counselor said that when he was a little boy, his neighbors had an antique dollhouse in the entry hall. He would observe all the tiny contents inside of the dollhouse, and he was so fascinated by them. He loved anything miniature. Again, no big deal. In addition, when I was 9 or 10 years old, my father picked me up from school one day. I said, daddy? I love this boy in school who I play with. He was furious and yelled at me when I expressed this to him. He said to me, if I ever hear that again from you, you’ll regret it. I was crying so hard, and I felt I had said something equivalent to a bad word. My counselor explained to me, in addition in making a dig deal out of not wanting to get dirty, playing with certain toys, and expressing my love for my friend to my dad, his outrageous response was very damaging. Also, these negative messages that were said to me throughout my childhood, altered my whole mindset as a male. My dad unknowingly opened a door to allow demonic energy to destroy my self-image that ultimately contorted my sexual outlook on myself. I felt there was something really different with me, and really wrong with me. I had trouble hugging my father or any other male because I thought it was equivalent doing something bad. As a result, when I hit puberty, the damage was already done, and myself identity as a male was solely sexuality attracted to males. My counselor said to me, this is not my fault! I hope you know you didn’t choose to be gay because you were a victim in which your father unknowingly did psychologically and spiritual damage to you. However, my counselor explained to me when it becomes a choice in life is when you go out, and sexually follow through living the dysfunctional life as a gay male. My counselor explained to me when he was a little boy, before the age of puberty, he put on his mother’s dress, and walked around the house. His father, who was a minister, laughed out loud with love and said, that is my boy, and he kissed him and hugged him. My counselor grew up totally straight. He never had an ounce of same sex attraction. He said his father’s response was a very healthy response. However, my father’s reaction wasn’t healthy in the slightest degree, but again, damaging.

I just want to add something else. There is a homosexual man I know who told me when 4th of July came around when he was 7 years old, he decided to form a parade with the other neighborhood kids. One little girl was going as Betsy Ross, another little girl was going as Martha Washington, and he was going as George Washington. He was in the bathroom getting ready, and formulating his costume using various things around the house. He some how made a pony tail out of his hair, and he put flour on his hair to make himself look like he was wearing a powdered wig like Gorge Washington. His father came into the bathroom, and he looked down at him. He got mad and said, you look like a little girl and left. He said he cried so hard that day and locked himself in his room. He said from that point his sexuality changed. He knew it. When he told me this story, my heart ached and I felt deeply sad inside for him.

Again, I have learned that anytime before puberty, doesn’t define sexuality in a child. A child isn’t sexual beings during those years. It’s during puberty that would be an issue. My counselor instructed me that it is so important to have a father role model, and a mother figure in my life. And to bond with my father was important.

Whenever I read or hear from churches or ministers, pastors, etc, pointing out to watch your child when he or she plays with dolls or whatever, I cringe. I feel very sorry for their children because that child is going to grow up with a heavy dysfunctional problem because he or she might receive negative messages there is something wrong with them. On top of all that, he or she will get blamed for having homosexual yearns. My counselor once said to me, who would choose this? Do you know how stupid that is for people to think growing up you chose this?! I think that issue about the toys is just so hokey. I once read that James Dobson stated the same stupid thing about playing with certain toys. It’s completely backward thinking.